i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
honey bunches of taint.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
