Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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