Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
now i know why i became what i already was.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
