I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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