A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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