i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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