I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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