piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
