I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
