Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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