I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
