I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
