i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
