Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize