I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
