Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
