This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love having hate sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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