just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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