I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
