i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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