This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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