how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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