no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
