apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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