this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
