I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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