hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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