You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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