I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
