Pants 0. Shit 1.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
