If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
