Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
