I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He has the fingertips of a God
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