you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize