you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
