i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can I color on your dick again?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
