1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
