your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
