if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
