i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
