.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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