i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Who died my cat blue again?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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