I hate your face
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize