Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Randomize
