Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
