drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
