i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
