I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
