i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm bleeding and have questions
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
