i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
