Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
