i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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