i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
