and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
