i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
