I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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