I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
