the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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