So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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