Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
