just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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