I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
