I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
