porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
