Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
