Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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