what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
