youre lurking in front of me
Can Purell be used as lube?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
