I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
