I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
