I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
