My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
