just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
