You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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