Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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