i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
