I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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