My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
