Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
