Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
