oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
